I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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