soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Randomize
