Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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