Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
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Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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