I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
