Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize