I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
