after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
