The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize