I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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