had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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