Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
