he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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