billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
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How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
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Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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