I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I have aggressive nipples.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
