Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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