I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
