Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
we're making bets on your personal life
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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