isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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