stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
