If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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