I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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