Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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