So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
no you cant smoke seaweed
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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