i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
