the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize