I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
