Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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