yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
