I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
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the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
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Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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