Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
