Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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