yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Actions speak louder than pants.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
