Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
