after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
