There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
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Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
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I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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