i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
3pm strippers are depressing
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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