My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
