I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
