i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
home. puking in laundry basket.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
