Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
