It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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