Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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