dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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