I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
