yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
