Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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