Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
