she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
