I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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