Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
