His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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