So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
