I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
