neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
