i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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